Blazing Thoughts - Laurë -

[Laurë Eledhwen]

Laure was expecting it; a rant, or any kind of words that would not help to make her feel better. They had never got along well and even if she apologized, she assumed that it needed more than that. She wasn’t trying to become his best friend but she still wanted to start off with better bases with him. She knew that back them she had judged him quickly for he had always been more serious than he had ever been. It had to be for being part of a large family, he had time to grow up and responsible while she had been alone most of the time. She even held back her words when he commented about how his job wasn’t better than hers when it came to watching people die. He too knew how it felt to be hopeless but he didn’t need to be on the defensive. She sighed, looking away, suddenly wishing for Sorsha to be there.

She knew that he was right, again when he spoke of the children. Which was also one of the things that annoyed her from him; to always be right. Were there times where he made mistakes? He didn’t always have to be perfect or to be right! Though, considering that he said that not to make her feel bad, she held her tongue back, once again preventing any fights like it would usually have happened. “I just wish I could do more than just stand by them and watch them die.” She admitted, her eyes still avoiding him in fear she could just blow up at his face. That was when it hit her; did Aldamir wished he could do more than just stand around and keep an eye on people? From what she had seen guards doing around, it didn’t seem to be one of the greatest jobs. “Don’t you ever feel as if you could do more to the city?” she questioned.

When he spoke about his job however, she looked up at him. “I am not one to speak anymore, I don’t think I am any better than you, maybe even worse.” She pointed out which was true; she had been overworking ever since the time she returned to the city and it had been precisely what she reproached him. She didn’t think she had the rights to talk down on him anymore. She too remained silent once the plates arrived. She stared down at her food and grabbed a piece of a banana with the utensil that was given to her. He offered her the meal, she would make efforts to eat.

[Aldamir]

Aldamir didn’t mean to be this blunt on her when he commented. But he had had the feeling she talked as if he couldn’t understand, as if she was the only one to see people die, to be responsible of their wellbeing. And considering he was doing a job that more or less put the same responsibilities on his shoulders, and that for far longer than her, it annoyed him. Something in it ticked him off. Perhaps because the older Laurë could have said something like he was too cold to care anyway should someone die before him. And that was absolutely untrue, and unfair. He was far more affected by things than what he was showing but he also knew people wanted strong men to protect them, not wimps crying every time something bad was happening.

Still, he might have gone too far with his tone. It sure would not help her feel better. She admitted to him she felt helpless and wished she could do more. He hesitated a second, his tongue passing on his lips as he looked for words. “Sometimes the only thing you can give people is your presence.” he only answered. What else could he say, really? Not like there was a miracle thing to do to immediately feel better or save people. She needed to grow some backbone. It sounded cruel but it was the thing. If she couldn’t take the deaths, the tears and the grief, then perhaps she should try another line of work. But he didn’t tell her, she might snap back at him.

He stared at her, a bit shocked when she questioned him. Not because she asked the question but because it was in relation with his previous thoughts. He wanted to help people, and not just by making sure thieves were not stealing their money down the marketplace. He wanted to make it safer for them. And he believed the army would fulfill this desire far more than remaining a simple guard, even knowing the promotion to captain was close. Perhaps he’d wait for it, it would give him a higher position in the army He shook the thought off. He was not one to use privilege to elevate himself but his skills and talents. He will deserve his place or he won’t take it!

Luckily, before he answered her -something he wasn’t even sure he would be able to - she talked that she might be even a bigger workaholic than him. From what he heard, this could be true. He never made himself sick from working too hard. Before replying, he watched her eat some of the exotic fruits served in her plate. At least was she eating, it would do her some good. “I take my job at heart, I understand its importance. But you’re right, I’ve never made myself sick from it.” he said. He was about to eat but hesitated. Perhaps he should add something, it sounded a bit mean. He dropped the fork down in the plate and looked at her. “If it’s so hard on you, perhaps you should do something else, research or something. You can’t keep it eat you like that.”