As I Remember [Gilwen]

[Gilwen]

“My lovely one, You are weary tonight from your work, I know. But there is something else. What is troubling you so?”

They had reached the gate between the third and fourth tier, and Gilwen knew that she could no longer avoid mentioning it to him. Her little face frowned lightly as she looked up to him, his own face very worried and inquiring. His hands drifted to her waist and it seemed to be that a small silence had drifted between them. She looked down toward the homes upon the third tier from where they stood and sighed. “I…I meant to tell you this morning.” She stated in beginning. Well, that certainly sounded ominous enough.

She drew her eyes back to his. “My wages…well…” her voice trailed off and the woman took another deep breath. Why was she having so much trouble just telling him. “Papa and Mama…they sold the house.” She paused to draw a breath. This next part was the hardest to say. She was even a bit ashamed of it; she had been able to provide for her family for years. And now, it seemed to be her fault they had been forced to relocate.

“They bought us a house on the first tier.” She murmured quickly. Gilwen’s brown eyes ripped away from his face, unable to bear the thought of the expression that was bound to pass over his fair features. “It is why I was not at work yesterday, I needed to help our family move our things.” It was barely a whisper.

Should she mention the visit that had been paid her by the Madam of the first tier? Ahava had found her yesterday morning to offer her a place in her brothel. Perhaps she shouldn’t. The first tier had a horrid reputation to begin with; Faeldor was sure to know of it.

She pressed her lips together and frowned all the more. She was not mad, though from the night previous she had certainly found the first tier frightening enough. The men were loud—she had been ordered to not leave the house unaccompanied. This morning, her father had walked her to the first tier, though no words had passed between them.

The third tier had been busy, yes. But she had been free to leave her own door! “I should have told you sooner…but I thought it best for me to move in first.” Now he was surely going to be angry.

[Faeldor]

“I…I meant to tell you this morning.” She started with that. Faeldor’s face was set, and he frowned, yet he let the woman finish speaking before he let any word pass from his lips. Indeed, she had been upset already when she came to him in the morning, and he expected that it was because Maeniel had been visiting him. He had never told her about the woman; as she was one of his past, and Faeldor did not think that Gilwen would wish to know of it.

Though, as she continued, he found it was something troubling her far from what he had expected. She went on to explain. “They bought us a house on the first tier.” His face tightened even more as she spoke more.

“I should have told you sooner…but I thought it best for me to move in first.” And here, Faeldor protested, “Gilwen, I might have helped you keep your house.” His voice was strained, though he held an even tone. “It is more my fault than your own that you are in this situation, please, I will go tomorrow to the renters and pay whatever you have missed in full.”

Though, even as he spoke he knew she would not allow it. Such was Gilwen’s pride to provide for her own family, and Beregar’s as well, that they would not allow a man such as himself to step in, even if he could well afford to do such a thing. She had not allowed his help when her hours had been upped and she was near working herself to illness, and now she would not allow this.

Faeldor sighed, and released the woman’s waist, grasping her hand once more. “You are tired. We best keep walking to get you home,” he said, and began to lead her further. “I will be seeing you to your doorstep.” He knew that the woman would protest this; for fear that her father would see, but would not her father wish her walking escorted through such a long distance in the city? The first tier was a rowdy place, and at times violent. During the day time it could be quite calm with it’s markets welcoming to citizens, but at this hour the taverns were full, and the drunkards plentiful.

[Gilwen]

Faeldor’s face instantly showed his displeasure. Gilwen had chanced a look to him, for he had been silent for some time. Her heart began to beat furiously, and the little thing prepared to quell him and calm him. Perhaps she would even kiss his cheek and be off for the night. She did not wish to strain herself here—she needed to reserve her energy.

Finally, he broke the silence. He was clearly trying and working on keeping his voice low and restrained; but Gilwen knew well he was displeased. “It is more my fault than your own that you are in this situation, please, I will go tomorrow to the renters and pay whatever you have missed in full.” The young lady outwardly frowned. “No, you shall not.” It was, perhaps a bit blunt, but Gilwen was far too exhausted to let him think it was all right for him to step in for her. It was her responsibility to care for and see to her family. If she could not provide for her own mother and father, how would she ever be able to provide for her husband or her children? “Fael, my family and I are not your responsibility. I am not someone you must provide for. Not yet.” The last part drifted off into a whisper.

Someday, Faeldor would have full right over her, and she would have to allow him to step in as he saw fit. But they were not wed yet. Her tired eyes saddened though, and she sighed and looked away, any tension she had just gained ebbing away. The woman calmed herself some more. She need not argue with him over this. He had refused to let her give him back his lost wages from the day he had returned her to her home after the camping trip; he could not truly expect her to allow him to aide her. It was her family—she should be able to provide for them.

The man grasped her hand firmly and spoke to her on her weariness. With such tired eyes she looked back up to him, and pressed her lips together. Yes, she was more than tired. She did need to be going. “I will be seeing you to your doorstep.” Gilwen frowned lightly. “You cannot do that,” she protested softly. “It is far too far for you. And Papa…” she sighed as he began to move off with her anyway. A part of her was thankful he had offered. She would feel much safer treading to her own door with someone as strong as her Faeldor beside her. Still, he had to walk all the way back to the sixth tier again once he left her. He needed his rest, too.

“I shall manage.” She said softly, trying to wriggle her hand free to return his cloak and send him off. She could not allow herself to burden him so.

[Faeldor]

“Fael, my family and I are not your responsibility. I am not someone you must provide for. Not yet.” It was the truth. Faeldor could not help her family if they were not willing. He knew his offer would be denied, yet he still felt as if he had to say it. She would know that he cared, even if there was nothing he might do to help.

Faeldor stopped once more. Gilwen was trying to take her hand from his, and he did not wish to struggle with her, so he let her do so.

“Do you truly wish me to go, Gilwen? If you say it again I will have to, for I do wish to please you. You must understand that if I take you to your home I will be content in leaving you. But if I must let you go alone from here I will worry until the morning when I see you again.” Though he was certain that if Gilwen would refuse to walk with him, he would at least follow behind her without a word to assure her safety. No one else would harm her.

“You see, I let you go away from me before. I know you remember. But you must also remember how I promised that I would not leave you. You mustn’t leave me either,” the man said, his voice slightly hurt, recalling the day over a month past when they had stood in very much the same way on this very street. He reached for Gilwen, his arm encircling her waist, and he pulled her to his side, tucking the lady warmly against him. “If you are tired, lean against me while we walk, my Starlight,” he hummed, tilting to press a kiss to her hair.

[Gilwen]

Faeldor halted their descent through the tiers, and the woman was asked a question that seemed to panic her in her exhausted state. Did she []want[/i] him to go? Heavens, he made it sound as if she desired him to leave her forever! Perhaps he was right, if he walked away now he would worry. And one didn’t get much rest when so full of such thoughts and fears.

She almost replied right there, but he continued with words that tore at her heart. Oh, she did not desire him to think that she wished to leave him. Her eyes filled with guilt and sadness. That was not her intent at all. Still, the little thing had not time to respond to that either, for Faeldor wrapped his arm around her and pulled her against his side lovingly, kissing the top of her head. “If you are tired, lean against me while we walk, my Starlight.”

She sighed, letting herself lean against him; he was so warm and safe feeling. Yes, she needed him to get her home. They began to walk once more and Gilwen finally uttered a reply. “Fael, I should never desire to leave you.” He had misinterpreted her intentions. She pressed herself closer and closed her eyes for a moment, even as they were walking. She would have kissed him, had she been given the opportunity. However, Gilwen was also quite anxious to get home and rest. Tomorrow was to be another long day.

She looked up to him for a short moment before she finally finished her thought from before; ever so quietly, and gently. “I just desire to care for you…I do love you.”

The wound their way through the lower tiers until Gilwen realized that they were approaching the first. The taverns could already be heard from the gate, and Gilwen frowned. The other tiers had held their own taverns, too. But these…these were ever so much rougher. She stiffened slightly, though calmed herself somewhat with the thought that Faeldor was still at her side. None should bother them; all could see his own strength. Still, they continued on. They had a short walk ahead of them still, for Gilwen lived about midway through the lowest tier. But Faeldor did need to see her new home, should he ever need her; or, at least Gilwen told herself this. She made no sound though.

The tier was speaking for her.

[Faeldor]

“Fael, I should never desire to leave you.”

“Perhaps I worry too much,” he admitted, his grip tightening slightly on the woman. He worried for Gilwen almost unceasingly. He worried for Miriel, that she had been hurt by Durion. He worried for Beleth even; his independent sister. He had fussed that his mother had taken those children in at first. Yes, he did worry too often, especially for those he cared for, and for the little things. Faeldor had confidence in the large things, in the Hope of Gondor.

“I just desire to care for you…I do love you.” Faeldor smiled, though from Gilwen’s vantage she would not have been able to see such a thing. He did not answer her or respond to her comment, but she would know how it had comforted him from the way he began to hum softly to her while they walked. She was leaning against him, and he supported her as they went, walking with her as fast as her tired legs could take her to her bed.

They reached the gate to the first tier, and the guards let them through. Faeldor did his best to stray on the opposite side of the street from the first tavern they bypassed. It was evident that Gilwen was frightened of the places, and none could doubt her own worry. The laughter and singing of coarse and drunken men could let any woman walking alone to be fearful.

“Your hours at work will not need be so long then now?” the man questioned nervously. If Gilwen was as exhausted as she was now, even having finished work earlier than she did on some days, she was not going to make it through many days like this with the extended walk. He was also trying to determine the time that he should arrive in the morning to gather her up from her doorstep and take her to the seventh tier. She was sure to evade the question if he had asked it directly, but this one would not hurt.

[Gilwen]

Yes, he did worry too much at times. Though, worry came from love; it only showed how deep his heart truly was. At times, though, his worries were requited. Such as with little Gilwen walking the first tier alone. It was immediately apparent how much of a bad idea that was. Men seemed to be everywhere.

He had begun to hum to her, and she smiled a little at the sound. She was far too tired to truly show her pleasure well. Though her heart was certainly pleased by the melody. Her Faeldor had not sung to her in a while, she realized there. Oh, she did love the sound of it.

He was very careful in leading her, and Gilwen had never been more grateful for his company. Everything was so loud; it was as if all the city slept but those who lived here. Sleep would be hard to come by tonight. Though, perhaps not. She was ever so tired, and it might be quite easy to simply drift off and not listen to the bustle and crowd.

“Your hours at work will not need be so long then now?”

Gilwen looked up to him, before she responded hesitantly, “No, they need not be.” She had been told to cut back on her ours. Niniel had adamantly declared that she desired a daughter more than she desired wages and pay. Her Mama saw how hard this was for her. Gilwen secretly wished to lessen her hours as well. But how would she ever get her family out of this if she did not work over the amount needed?

Perhaps her pride was absurd. Maybe she should just let Faeldor help if he wished. The moment of this thought did not last long though. Gilwen shoved it out quite quickly. No, he would not need to help. She was quite able to care for her parents.

Perhaps reducing her time spent in the palace to normal hours was good for her, though. At least, for a time. She could rest her body some before she raised them again. She would get used to the new place first. She almost nodded to herself as she decided on her course of action. For some time, she would allow herself a normal schedule. She would still receive no days off, but she would not keep herself in the halls past sundown. She would talk to the Mistress in the morning. “I shall speak to my Mistress in the morning.” She said aloud, again, for Faeldor to know she meant it. At least for some time she could rest. There would be no harm in that, would there?

They continued to move through the streets and Gilwen began to become attentive of where they were. They woudl soon be upon her home. Could she call it a home? It was far too unfamiliar. It was a house. Yes, that was all. Gilwen's brown eyes studied the little buildings as she passed though. How small they all seemed!

[Faeldor]

“I shall speak to my Mistress in the morning.”

“Good,” Faeldor said simply, a bit relieved. Gilwen deserved a break, it was certain. Even if a break simply meant to see some daylight at the end of a normal shift; it was better than nothing at all. He felt that given the time to spend with her family would draw well on her too. Certainly her parents missed seeing her, and perhaps she would even spare the Stable Master a bit as well. He would be glad to take her riding again if they were given the opportunity. The thought seemed to remind him of something else.

“In three days…” Faeldor started, looking down at Gilwen as they walked for a moment. “It will be Haliel’s birthday. We are having a picnic out in the garden for supper; will you be able to make it?” he asked. “She would love if you were there. You might meet little Eoric as well,” he smiled, dwelling for a moment on their earlier conversation. Indeed she had to meet the little boy soon, for she would surely adore him!

“You need not find her a gift,” he said quickly, so as to not base her answer on the fact that she could not afford to bring the girl something. “Mother is working on a new dress for her, and I have something as well… but I could use your help with it if you desire to be involved,” he smiled lightly. What a grand idea! He had thought of it some weeks ago, but to let Gilwen help him could surely take her mind off of some of the dour thoughts that filled her. He would not tell Gilwen yet of the gift either, for it would surely be a fun surprise for her to see.

There was an abundance of kittens in the stable, more cats than mice it was certain, and Faeldor knew a little girl who would take care of one just fine. “You must make a stop at the stables again sometime before then,” he concluded. He would let Gilwen look at the litter of kittens and pick the one that would suit Haliel. Oh, was he proud of his idea! Gilwen would certainly enjoy helping him, and when he brought it home he would even find a way to hide it until his lady arrived, that she might see the look on little Haliel’s face when she received it.

Faeldor’s fair talk carried them down the busy street, and he barely noticed the noise of the taverns as they went; such was his pleasure in walking with Gilwen. He did not know where her house was, but certainly she would still him when the time came.

[Gilwen]

Gilwen had enjoyed the closeness. So much so, the little thing had certainly begun to relax. The first tier did not seem so dreadful, pulled so closely to her beloved. He seemed pleased with he declaration, and that made her happy as well. Her Mama and her Faeldor would be contented to know she was caring for herself. She did miss having her own time.

Niniel would certainly adore the chance to sit upon her bed and speak to her on the matters of her life. Gilwen would enjoy trying to evade it. There were some things mothers just need not learn of. She might even find the time to spend some time with Faeldor himself.

“In three days…It will be Haliel’s birthday. We are having a picnic out in the garden for supper; will you be able to make it?”

Gilwen looked up at him. “Oh!” She exclaimed rather surprised. She had, of course, heard that her birthday was close; the night of Faeldor’s own birthday as they had left the ball. Still, she had not thought in the least she would be asked to attend. For some reason, she had thought the day seemed rather private. It was, after all, a hard day for their family.

“She would love if you were there. You might meet little Eoric as well.”

Gilwen smiled a bit. She did enjoy spending time with Haliel; and the newest member of Faeldor’s family had certainly interested her. It almost drew a response from her lips for an emphatic agreement, but she recalled where they were. The first tier. She had no money for a gift now. “I would not—“

“You need not find her a gift.”

Well, that seemed to settle that issue. Gilwen listened as he continued. She would be talking to her mistress tomorrow…she would not have to be working, then. And if Faeldor desired her help with his own…

Well that was another mystery. She looked up at him with inquiring eyes, but knew better than to ask. He would not speak to her of it anyway. Her Faeldor was a master of secrets. “Yes, I should need to visit the stables again, then.” She agreed, offering both her consent to attending the party and for helping Faeldor in one simple sentence and breath.

They moved down the street some more, and Gilwen finally caught sight of her new doorway. “Here,” she said softly, motioning to one of the buildings with a nod of her head. The fire was still burning, and Gilwen imagined that her mother was anxiously awaiting her return. Gilwen halted the movements and drew herself away from the stable master long enough to slip from his cloak and hand it back to him thankfully.

“Thank you,” she murmured quietly. She did not, after all, wish to draw he attention of her parents inside. One would be nosey, the other dangerous. “After I speak to my Mistress…I shall stop by the stables to help you.” She added quietly. She did not know how she was going to help; unless the gift needed cleaning. That she was quite fine at.

She did not know if he was done, though, so she simply stayed where she was and waited for the final farewell. When that came, she would turn away and sleep. But until then, she was waiting right there in front of her home with him. Her heart ached a bit; the man had to walk all the way back to the sixth tier.

With such a thought upon her, the woman looked around and rose to her toes slowly, quickly giving him a kiss on the cheek. None had seen, her Papa was somewhere inside. It had been safe, otherwise she would not have done so. “Goodnight, Fael.” She whispered.

[Faeldor]

“Well then, I shall await your visit tomorrow, lovely,” Faeldor said enthusiastically at her acceptance of his invitations, though he kept his voice low as well. He, after all, did not wish for Beregar to take notice of him. He was quite fond of keeping his hands tonight. “You will be pleased with helping me, I just know it,” he smiled. He imagined quite fondly that with Gilwen’s love of all the creatures from horse to turtle, kittens would be enjoyable for her to handle.

He glanced at the little house, which looked just like most of the others on the first tier. The windows were lit, and the residents of it were indeed still awake and waiting. They would need to whisper now. Or, at least Faeldor would need to. Gilwen’s voice was already quite small and unnoticeable if one was not listening for it. Today had been tedious enough for the both of them; what with the happenings earlier in the stable, and the news that Gilwen had broken to the Stable Master on this walk. He did not wish for a shouting match with her father now.

Though, with all this added trauma on dear Gilwen’s part, he told himself that it would not be long before he went to speak to Beregar alone, and without her. He needed to be able to prove himself to the man, and he would ask for this lady’s hand. He smiled as she kissed him upon the cheek, and as she raised to her toes, he grinned, wrapping his arm’s about her and picking her up slightly from the ground.

“Goodnight, Starlight,” Faeldor said, stepping back to allow her to leave. He wanted to be out of eyeshot of the door, should her father be in the entryway to greet her on her return. “Do not take one step from your door tomorrow morning until you see me waiting for you,” he instructed quietly. Of course, the tier should be much calmer in the morning; everyone having already turned in for the night. But he did not wish to risk the chance that she might be harmed.

Then, as she went to her house, Faeldor turned to make the long walk back to the sixth tier. How ever tired he was, his contemplations on the way were quite merry, for he knew that soon there would be no great distance between the two of them, and the young woman would sleep soundly beside him at night, and in safety.